aminalpants

Recently, whilst excitedly emailing friends about a night out we had half planned, I received one reply telling me I think too much and to chill. There was no ill intention, the person in question is a very good friend and I can imagine the exact intonation he’d use, but it was a very ‘adult’ response which happens to me a lot. It made me question what I had written, my enthusiasm and why sometimes people act in a — possibly subconsciously — negative way towards my general overt happiness/easily pleased-ness.

Here’s the email I sent, with names and places changed. Bear in mind said friend has been out of the country for over a month, I’ve been stuck in the house a lot studying and lacking pennies, and I pulled my back/slipped a disc last week so have reasons (if you need any,) for being quite excited:

So, we’re all still going out on Sat night for Mike’s brother’s 18th boffday, I think! I haven’t been out in aaaages.

I remember Mike saying his bro was having a party for his friends at theirs, and then he was bringing him into town to go clubbing with us oldies. Soo… You me and Holly will need somewhere to drink until they get in town! And I just got invited to a gig at The Dog & Bone by that musician I’m always raving about.

Sat night gigs at D&B are usually free AND I think you get free entry into Basement [club] if you go… (though am not sure if that’s where Mike was planning to head).

Do you think you’d fancy it? =D Have messaged Holly and Mike about it too.

Can’t wait to get out, see people, have a beer and relax! YAY!

Admittedly it’s quite puppy-like, that’s my general state of being when I’m excited — you can almost see my tail wag — but why the response?

Happiness, like some terrible illness, seems to beg to be ‘fixed’. OHMYGODWHAT’SWRONGWITHTHATHAPPYPERSON? GETITAWAY! It often seems to get on people’s nerves or it’s too energetic for them. The default reaction actually seems to be very much that of a parent speaking to an excitable child, and I often find myself feeling rather frustratedly patronised. Indeed, in a later message he said he was proud of me for organising things. Odd choice of words.

Worse still is the misconception that I don’t want to talk about anything serious or involved, and I often get the impression, from new people I meet, that they don’t consider me all that intelligent or interesting. Maybe I’m not, but I’m still considering printing a T-shirt that reads: “I’m happy, not stupid.”

Yet so many people are drawn to Moody Aloof…

Maybe Moody Aloof brings some sense of comfort or intrigue. Perhaps happiness is simply too much for someone who feels down, or out of sorts, to deal with. It’s probably the easiest thing to attack. An innocent vulnerability. It’s also very easily broken for precisely the same reason, and it takes quite a good deal of strength to be a continually happy person, regardless of how effortless it can seem. That’s not to say all happy people are sad clowns, just that some people choose happiness, and for me that’s what it’s all about.

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So what IS happiness, and why do some people seem to be infected with it? In an old blog, some years ago, I explained something I like to call ‘The Happy’.

I don’t believe in happiness being a pinnacle or goal. It’s not something you need to attain, it’s more a state of being. I see myself as living in this state –which I call ‘The Happy’ — where life itself is a big adventure and anything is possible. For me, it’s conscious, for others, like children or people who don’t think too much, it’s subconscious.

Set backs or down periods are things to be dealt with, but not part of my state of being. Not part of ”The Happy’. In other words, it’s not that I aim to achieve happiness, but by living and doing, creating and moving, I am experiencing happiness in almost everything I do. I enjoy life within the moment to the best of my ability. I smell the fucking roses. I can still play with my toes for an hour and not get bored (boredom is bollocks, don’t believe in it).

The set backs and downers are the tricky part. Back when I concocted ‘The Happy’, I used this analogy for them, which I now use all the time: “When the shit hits the fan, join the dots.” Whatever crap life throws, and no matter how far and wide the splatter, step back and look at it.

Now turn it into something. Turn it into something beautiful, funny, useful, whatever. I often shape my greatest struggles and sadnesses into lyrics and poetry. This is where the conscious choice comes in, and I think this is what all happiness-infected people do. Either that or let it go, like the kid crying inconsolably over his scraped knee… who suddenly runs off laughing because his friend found a frog.

So next time someone runs over to you wagging their tail, don’t act like Mum, Dad or Moody Aloof. Think “Happy, not stupid.” and try not to be such a miserable bastard. And if you’re a happy soul, I salute you.

Oh, and for the record, I don’t believe there’s such a thing as thinking too much.

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As I was writing this, a status came up in my facebook feed from the Official Patch Adams page, inviting people to follow his twitter. I knew there would be something utterly perfect and relevant; I think he sums it up perfectly:

“The most revolutionary act you can commit in today’s society is to be publicly happy.” –Patch Adams @realpatchadams